here is a pic of me and Isaac :)

went to Universal Studios yesterday. Free tickets! Thank You Lord. walked ard a lot and rained a bit so a bit of cold today. Love the Sesame Street! All the structures inspire a sense of make believe so that makes it fun. :)

i kinda like my little corner of the internet here :)
gng USS this sunday!!
waiting for Wanping to finish her busy time..  den can go out!! :)

Mark 14:3
While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

⁴ Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume? ⁵ It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly.

i remember a speaker once said, those pple said it was a waste, it shows they don't think Jesus is worth it. and sometimes we do things, pple may say, why u do this, why u do that, why u spend time and money. 

But Jesus is worth it. He is worth more than what we can ever give to Him. And it is an expression of worship, when we can give our best parts to Him. We are unworthy. He is worthy of more than we can give. But He doesn't look down on us. The same way a father would not look down on a biscuit his son saves for him from school, in fact he cherishes it.

And it is the best thing in the world, to be able to give your best parts to Jesus.

Like A said, God is a mystery.

so maybe we are gng to usa. maybe. ok most likely.

everything is so uncertain. sigh. i thought i left that kind to lifestyle behind when we returned to sg.

and interestingly, of all the things he could be interested in, he is into one that has a v uncertain career path. and one that doesnt easily translate to other pathways. and i cant work in usa. so flying back and forth etc etc... dunno.. really just need to keep praying about it.

i think that when we were in China, eventually we try to live some semblance of normalcy in a v different environment. so we are stressed out on some level, but we are used to being stressed all the time it becomes a normal thing which we then work our activities, plans, actions into. we are not even aware of being stressed anymore. but i feel it when i return to sg. cos i dont operate on that level anymore. however, sg has become crazy over the last few yrs so that is ano type of stress.

anyhow. i hope it wont be like that when we go to usa.

sigh.

guess what.. a few weeks ago, i was looking at my bank book transactions. and i noticed that throughout my time in China the past 3 yrs.. there was this person ( i think it is one person) who would transfer money into my account every month. there were other transactions too, made by other pple, who also greatly encouraged me by their support, but i more or less knew who they were as they had let me know beforehand.

but there was this one person, i did not know who, he/she would transfer ard $350 to my account every month at around the same date. and sometime it was more, like $500.

i do not know who he/she is.. but i was v encouraged. encouraged by the Lord, who provided, who cared, who let me know over and over again that i'm on His radar.. Encouraged by this unidentified person, who loved me and allowed the Lord to use him/her.

who says faith cant be seen? my bank book, in those years i spent in China, has faith written all over it..

im not sure why there is such a wide gap between pple who live in poverty and pple who live in seemingly excessive riches.

the pple who are 'rich'; well, many of them worked hard, took risks, invested wisely. maybe some of them inherited their wealth.

the pple who live in poverty; well, maybe some of them made bad choices, or just did not have many opportunities due to circumstances. all kinds of reasons..

im not sure why i find it disturbing. but i do know the thought of some spending excessively on seemingly frivolous things while others struggle to put food on the table, to give their children an opportunity at education etc.. that is disturbing. perhaps there seems to be some kind of injustice in this. though exactly how, I would not be eloquent enough to articulate. This is not how it is supposed to be. In His Kingdom, everyone shares so there is no lack. Like in Acts.. surely at least everyone should have enough to eat and to cloth their family and have opportunity for education. and also not have to work so much that their family hardly see them at all..

One day, He will ask for an accounting for what we have done with what we have been given. and those given much.. are in danger of being speechless on that Day.. that is a sobering thought.

and maybe there will also be some.. who thought they didnt have much.. who will find they had more than they thought they did after all..

'... From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.' Luke 12: 48

was just thinking.. typical sg family mthly expenditure:

housing loan installment: $2000
car expenses: $1000
domestic helper (many pple seem to have one): $500
1 child Montessori kindergarten: $200
modest groceries for 3 plus helper plus utilities hp bill etc : $2000

how do sg pple do it..

sometimes its nice to stay at home and not have to go out and pay service charge or gst.

maybe i am stingy that way. haha

was thinking the other day.. if i attend a wedding dinner and give $120 for ang pao.. wow.. i can do a lot with $120.. i can give to a charity.. i can support one of many missionaries i know.. i can give to a missions project.. i can make someone's day ( like an uncle or auntie selling tissue paper etc..). just food for thought.. so many things we spend money here in sg without a second thought..

tried doing pilates supposed to be a 30 min things.
1st time : lasted 7 mins.
2nd time : 23 mins

:p  hopefully can keep it up..
on ano note. here is a pretty song..

"Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I’m not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along
With every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me

Cause you went away,
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you"

its nice to hv frens. esp the ones in Him.

signing signing bank loan things today. good that things are moving along. Hope its all done by the time the next installment is needed.. found out i can get my stamp fee refunded thru CPF! good to have more liquidity. oh boy.. i can potentially foresee a lot of planning and things ahead.. but not much to be done now i guess except make some general notes here and there.. next yr is still a question mark. kinda stressful. but still carrying on. and experiencing His grace.

not many meetings this month. in fact i think we have not met for a mth. Things sure are different in different places. or is it also cos of our age grp. not sure how new pple r assimilated.. still observing how things work in this new place.

Trust Me.

another reminder i am too old to stay up past midnight. woke up this morning feels like ive ran a marathon. (ive never ran a marathon.)

or maybe it means i need some regular exercise.. haiz.

in love with Him..

everyday try to find some time to be.. in love with Him.

like when i look at IAJ and we twinkle at each other.

Catch His eye and *twinkle*.

i guess just as marriage takes time and effort to nurture.. so do we and Him..

As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
Psalm 103 : 13-16

I read this verse today and it reminds me that we are but dust. and we should not make too much of ourselves or think too highly of ourselves.  With the pressures of the big city, it is easy to get caught up in the culture of pursuits to have big house, big car, look good in front of others etc. This is all vanity.  Dust in the wind.

I hope more of my life can be invested in things that matter to the Lord..

The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.
Psalm 103:6

I've been reading a friend's blog recently. And I find what she wrote v encouraging. The Lord has used her wonderfully and given her great compassion. O her blog is here http://blog.kitesong.sg/

She has great focus. As i contemplate my present life, i find i am not so focused. Distractions, hp, fb, tv, internet. everything with a screen has become a source of distraction and a drain in time and energy because of the way i use it. With focus, a magnifying glass can start a fire. I am inspired to regain my focus in Him.

Been back for about a year. Coming close to settling in a church? Hope so.. I guess i am trying hard to settle down. That's what i do, in my usual detached fashion. We bought a home, which is still being built. I think we gave finding a church, finding jobs, a good shot. Im glad Isc has found a passion/hobby/possible career choice in flying. Not many pple find something they thoroughly enjoy. I hope he can pursue it.

After swimming in a wide expanse, can a fish go back to living in a fish bowl? Sometimes i feel like that. I dont know what to focus on. Maybe i dont want to see/not ready yet? What if there is nothing to see? surely that is not possible right? a lot of dont know. Actually i sense there are things to do. Maybe I am not ready yet.

They are right. There is such a thing as re-entry. It takes time to move on. Even from good things. There has been so much change in the past few years for us. I wanted to believe that i was returning to something that has stayed the same. But everything has changed. Thank God for the precious few things that have remained or even gotten better. It has had its rough patches. But i am aware we are still v blessed and His hand is still upon us. I thank Him for the new things. In the past years, there has been much pain, loss, heartache. Also much thankfulness. n lessons. For a while mayb I just didnt want to feel anything. Is this part of re-entry? The country has changed so much too.. that doesnt help..

I'm not sure what it will take to be/stay focused. Sometimes i take the easy way out and numb myself with distractions. Sometimes i wonder if i shld just give up trying to settle down and devise plans to go elsewhere. But i wonder if that would be just me trying to distract/entertain myself with other things. If the motivation is not right, i dare not go. Remember Moses dared not go to the Promised Land without Him. Re-entry is kinda like jetlag, you feel out of sorts n out of sync.. 

We get so used to doing things out there. Doing, doing. Actually we are firstly His children. Children dont need to do anything to be His children and to enjoy Him, and for Him to enjoy us. Sometimes doing things may even be our false sense of security. But it is for naught. I find it difficult to not do things. to just be. I have changed too.

I miss the students. I wonder how they are doing. and because there is nothing much I can do, when I remember them, I commit them to Him.

Starfish. Sometimes there are so many needs in the world. Its hard to remember we are starfish.

I think it is important to fall in love a few times in your life. The most fortunate thing that happen to me is to fall in love with God. I am also thankful for the opportunity to fall in love with Isaac, missions. And to a lesser extent for shorter periods, things like rock climbing, rollerblading, JS, random periods of my life that taught me various lessons. I guess they also help me to know myself better, what I would give for, and to what extent. Sometimes I look back and think, I dont think I have that energy anymore, like do weekly visits to boon lay and travel to Boy's hostel to teach tuition in my year 3 uni. Or go to chinese church 3 times a week with a band of visually impaired youth. But I guess when He presents you with that challenge, and He gives you the passion to love something, sometimes you can surprise yourself and you dont even think much of it while you are doing it. Days become weeks become months and years and you look back and think, where did that energy come from.

I also think it is important to love unconditionally, not the emo/feelings type of love, but the kind that does what is needed day after day, without need for a return on your 'investment', not looking for 'fruits' or response. This kind of love is the most free-ing, most rewarding, and also the kind that leaves no regrets. Perhaps because it allows you to catch a glimpse of God.

In the end, God is most important in everything you do. 

they are not the enemy.. n judge not lest u be judged..
sigh.
no place to stay..  how..

Romans 12:21

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:

¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[d] says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”^[e]

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

something to keep in mind. treat it as an exercise? 

i dont know what x did but i am so xxx cos i can see it upset him. 

feel v dot dot dot now. grrr. 

  

need some time to consider n calm down.

To my friend: i wanted to tell you, dont be afraid. follow what He has put in your heart, unchanging, all these years. take a chance. find out. we can live with much less then we think we need.

new beginnings one year later.

i would hv thot that by a certain age no more new beginnings. but it seems pple can hv new beginnings anytime! even 40s aso can. 50s aso can.

nostalgia.

there is no 'clean' start.. everywhere. mixed up. old and new mixed tog. v messy. no one stays the same. Human drama. up and down and all around. cant keep track of it all. all fleshed out. Death. Life. Deception. Violence. Pain. Helplessness. Ignorance. Regret. Sacrifice. Forbearance. Love. Humility. Promise-keeping. Trust.

and of course.. Just Dont Know.

sometimes i dont dare to play certain music because it makes me think of u.

listening to worship music now.

its q nice to do that.

rather than watching tv or surfing the net.

quiet house with music.

melancholy? not sure.

shall go eat an orange and think abt it some more.

Exercise faith.

i think there is something so mesmerizing about watching a musician play his instrument.
i like this grp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR94NDIfGmA&feature=list_other&playnext=1&list=SP2FCE4EAED0A3000B

one time, two times(?), three times.
12. 26(?). 31.
1990. 2004(?). 2010.
what rubbish is this.
...........

ur gone but sometimes i still think of u.

n u know what

i still love u my fren

i guess i always will.

i guess changing cg is diff let alone changing ch. i miss having regular fwship n being settled in a ch.
who knows what the future will bring. sighs. maybe this is what its supposed to be. not so simple. by what terms do we judge a life well lived. by our job? by the works of our hands? by the things we accumulate? the descendants we leave behind? somehow i think it is non of these things. It's Your opinion that matters, and sometimes what You judge to be good we may not understand or be able to see..
and that is when we need to exercise trust..
and faith.
Sometimes so easy sometimes so difficult hor.
hehe.

T gave me a hug today as i was leaving after tuition. Aww...
H seems ok at math today! still a lot of careless mistakes tho..
confused now dont know if she v bad at math or actually not so bad?? but supposedly test score not so good.. think just need some confidence and practice.. dont know if have enough time anot.. prayerfully yes.. thats a consideration too when i think abt gng usa..

my 8 yr old tuition gal said she hadnt seen me for such a long time (3 weeks) and she had missed me.

aww..

I miss u. maybe because almost everybody here seems to be busy, and u always had time for me. Sometimes i think we might as well go usa.
time flies by and time moves slowly at the same time. 

Excerpt from marriage book im reading.

 

"The ultimate reason for their ongoing conflict was not his lack of affection or her lack of submission... So what was the cause? When one spouse was disappointed by the other, the response was anger and unkindness rather than love and self-control.."

The greatest love story in your life, is not going to be the one between you and your spouse, but the one between you and God.

phone spoil. sad sad :(

M left yest, WP left today, LZ leaving this sunday. :( everybody gone..

it felt like i had been flying a plane, looking for a place to land for the longest time. and i finally landed my plane. so im not the only odd duck..

today i was thinking, its not so easy to go back after being away and just pick up where u left off. square pegs in round holes. it seems like it should be easy, but its not. everything is still the same.. but everything's changed.

we had a really good talk. and it meant a lot to have someone understand so completely. i cant remember the last time i felt so understood..

time to go blading again :)

It's heartbreaking. There are no words.
The Lord be your strength.

'Take it slower, and realise what is important to you. '

it's better to go out and exercise than to spend the day surfing the net.

i like this song (ok my music taste is like my movie taste. v pop and easy on brain)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgAzK03CgJI

people cannot be replaced..

it was nice journaling at ECP today. :)