Listening to a song and the lyrics go "... i so need You.."

and You remind me of a time when You asked me".. did i ever think that You would need me too..?"

.. and at that time i said, " that's ridiculous of course.. how could You ever need me.. You are You and i am just.. me .. "

But i understood what You meant.. You don't need me.. but because of love.. You do..

Just in the same way You are missing all the others..

sometimes i feel like i am in cn again where my life takes it turns by being made empty and then being filled with things i may not naturally have chosen for myself.. but where things appear and are chosen for me, and i allow it, observing it as it happens .. it is interesting that it is happening again. i thought i left it behind in cn. it was great.. but it was also v hard in its own way.. i dont know.. maybe this is the way things should be..

this city has a lot of glitz and shiny objects. it is all so empty.. most pple toil to have a foothold so that they can provide for their loved ones so that they too can toil when they grow up.. do all cities swallow you and spit you out.. is that what happens..

2 Kings 17:15
New Living Translation (©2007)
They rejected his decrees and the covenant he had made with their ancestors, and they despised all his warnings. They worshiped worthless idols, so they became worthless themselves. They followed the example of the nations around them, disobeying the LORD's command not to imitate them.

still.. there are little pockets of humanity here and there struggling to breakthrough..

how does it all come together to make sense.. complete extravagance, living next to abject poverty..

what is the sg dream.. house, car, kids in good school? so that they can grow up to work 10 hours a day in a mind-numbing cycle? maybe i hv been away too long.. i cant keep up with this pace.. this frenetic pace that jogs on the spot. a lot of energy but doesnt seem to be going anywhere most of the time..

maybe i am just moody today.. :p

it is so nice to be able to sleep in my own bed tonight. sigh. past week the house has been so dusty with the toilet repair/renovation going on. feels like being a refugee in my own house.. sleeping in the guest bedroom etc.. today i contemplated.. if being in a dusty house for a week depressed me and made me uncomfortable.. what about the people living on the 'trash mountains'.. i cannot begin to contemplate it..

i asked LK if she wanted to go back to Cn to do social work if there was opportunity.. and she said yes unhesitatingly.. she said social work in sg is q good already, while the social work situation in China is a lot worse.. kind of like dental needs in sg vs dental needs in Cn where u cannot find reliable treatment for miles in some areas.. i never thought of it like that before..i wonder if it is the same across for many professions.. i guess it could be..

sometimes i find myself being judgmental and critical.. and it includes being critical, maybe overly even, of myself. recently i asked You, why is it like that.. and You said.. well, it is because of your own insecurities. you think by following the rules, there is safety.. so you like to see everything as black and white as possible and follow the rules. but it is not true. safety is not found there. safety is found in Me. be more forgiving of yourself when you make mistakes. and remember to forgive others too.

i have enough points for 2 more years! :) PTL

reminder to self:

It is better to do less with more love, then to do more with no or less love.

sometimes the lesson is not only in the content, but in the way it is imparted as well.

sometimes people just need a friend.