Listening to a song and the lyrics go "... i so need You.."

and You remind me of a time when You asked me".. did i ever think that You would need me too..?"

.. and at that time i said, " that's ridiculous of course.. how could You ever need me.. You are You and i am just.. me .. "

But i understood what You meant.. You don't need me.. but because of love.. You do..

Just in the same way You are missing all the others..

sometimes i feel like i am in cn again where my life takes it turns by being made empty and then being filled with things i may not naturally have chosen for myself.. but where things appear and are chosen for me, and i allow it, observing it as it happens .. it is interesting that it is happening again. i thought i left it behind in cn. it was great.. but it was also v hard in its own way.. i dont know.. maybe this is the way things should be..

this city has a lot of glitz and shiny objects. it is all so empty.. most pple toil to have a foothold so that they can provide for their loved ones so that they too can toil when they grow up.. do all cities swallow you and spit you out.. is that what happens..

2 Kings 17:15
New Living Translation (©2007)
They rejected his decrees and the covenant he had made with their ancestors, and they despised all his warnings. They worshiped worthless idols, so they became worthless themselves. They followed the example of the nations around them, disobeying the LORD's command not to imitate them.

still.. there are little pockets of humanity here and there struggling to breakthrough..

how does it all come together to make sense.. complete extravagance, living next to abject poverty..

what is the sg dream.. house, car, kids in good school? so that they can grow up to work 10 hours a day in a mind-numbing cycle? maybe i hv been away too long.. i cant keep up with this pace.. this frenetic pace that jogs on the spot. a lot of energy but doesnt seem to be going anywhere most of the time..

maybe i am just moody today.. :p

it is so nice to be able to sleep in my own bed tonight. sigh. past week the house has been so dusty with the toilet repair/renovation going on. feels like being a refugee in my own house.. sleeping in the guest bedroom etc.. today i contemplated.. if being in a dusty house for a week depressed me and made me uncomfortable.. what about the people living on the 'trash mountains'.. i cannot begin to contemplate it..

i asked LK if she wanted to go back to Cn to do social work if there was opportunity.. and she said yes unhesitatingly.. she said social work in sg is q good already, while the social work situation in China is a lot worse.. kind of like dental needs in sg vs dental needs in Cn where u cannot find reliable treatment for miles in some areas.. i never thought of it like that before..i wonder if it is the same across for many professions.. i guess it could be..

sometimes i find myself being judgmental and critical.. and it includes being critical, maybe overly even, of myself. recently i asked You, why is it like that.. and You said.. well, it is because of your own insecurities. you think by following the rules, there is safety.. so you like to see everything as black and white as possible and follow the rules. but it is not true. safety is not found there. safety is found in Me. be more forgiving of yourself when you make mistakes. and remember to forgive others too.

i have enough points for 2 more years! :) PTL

reminder to self:

It is better to do less with more love, then to do more with no or less love.

sometimes the lesson is not only in the content, but in the way it is imparted as well.

sometimes people just need a friend.

i shall come up with a list of things to do in usa
- exercise regularly
- read books
- read dental books
- pray
- learn malay/guitar
- learn driving
- look for volunteer work
- write to overseas friends
- monitor the house and market

who knew chopping veggies could be so fun. haha. esp doing it w friends. :)

i think there is a certain kind of timing and destiny when it comes to making friends. God's timing and destiny, that is. some pple come and go, some stay, even when it is no longer convenient. and when you do come across these precious ones, it is heartening.

read in a fb post recently;

"God opens millions of flowers without forcing the buds.. reminding us not to force anything, for things happen perfectly in time."

i guess this speaks also about us having rest while we wait for the flower to open in its own time. in all our hopes for others and ourselves.

i like watching tv with Isaac. it is always interesting to find out what makes him laugh. and many times it is some American pop cultural nuance that would escape me and he would have to explain it. haha. it is fun thing to do, to discover more about your partner.

Listening to Josh Groban "To where you are"
and here are all the parts I find applicable to a love song to the Saviour :)

'Deep in the stillness
I can hear You speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That You are mine
Forever love
And You are watching over me from up above'

'As my heart holds You
Just one beat away
I cherish all You gave me everyday
'Cause You are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave'

'A breath away's not far
To where You are

I know You're there
A breath away's not far
To where You are'

no matter what background we come from, whatever we think we have or do not have, God is the Great Equalizer.

Praise the Lord!

here is a pic of me and Isaac :)

went to Universal Studios yesterday. Free tickets! Thank You Lord. walked ard a lot and rained a bit so a bit of cold today. Love the Sesame Street! All the structures inspire a sense of make believe so that makes it fun. :)

i kinda like my little corner of the internet here :)
gng USS this sunday!!
waiting for Wanping to finish her busy time..  den can go out!! :)

Mark 14:3
While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

⁴ Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume? ⁵ It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly.

i remember a speaker once said, those pple said it was a waste, it shows they don't think Jesus is worth it. and sometimes we do things, pple may say, why u do this, why u do that, why u spend time and money. 

But Jesus is worth it. He is worth more than what we can ever give to Him. And it is an expression of worship, when we can give our best parts to Him. We are unworthy. He is worthy of more than we can give. But He doesn't look down on us. The same way a father would not look down on a biscuit his son saves for him from school, in fact he cherishes it.

And it is the best thing in the world, to be able to give your best parts to Jesus.

Like A said, God is a mystery.

so maybe we are gng to usa. maybe. ok most likely.

everything is so uncertain. sigh. i thought i left that kind to lifestyle behind when we returned to sg.

and interestingly, of all the things he could be interested in, he is into one that has a v uncertain career path. and one that doesnt easily translate to other pathways. and i cant work in usa. so flying back and forth etc etc... dunno.. really just need to keep praying about it.

i think that when we were in China, eventually we try to live some semblance of normalcy in a v different environment. so we are stressed out on some level, but we are used to being stressed all the time it becomes a normal thing which we then work our activities, plans, actions into. we are not even aware of being stressed anymore. but i feel it when i return to sg. cos i dont operate on that level anymore. however, sg has become crazy over the last few yrs so that is ano type of stress.

anyhow. i hope it wont be like that when we go to usa.

sigh.

guess what.. a few weeks ago, i was looking at my bank book transactions. and i noticed that throughout my time in China the past 3 yrs.. there was this person ( i think it is one person) who would transfer money into my account every month. there were other transactions too, made by other pple, who also greatly encouraged me by their support, but i more or less knew who they were as they had let me know beforehand.

but there was this one person, i did not know who, he/she would transfer ard $350 to my account every month at around the same date. and sometime it was more, like $500.

i do not know who he/she is.. but i was v encouraged. encouraged by the Lord, who provided, who cared, who let me know over and over again that i'm on His radar.. Encouraged by this unidentified person, who loved me and allowed the Lord to use him/her.

who says faith cant be seen? my bank book, in those years i spent in China, has faith written all over it..

im not sure why there is such a wide gap between pple who live in poverty and pple who live in seemingly excessive riches.

the pple who are 'rich'; well, many of them worked hard, took risks, invested wisely. maybe some of them inherited their wealth.

the pple who live in poverty; well, maybe some of them made bad choices, or just did not have many opportunities due to circumstances. all kinds of reasons..

im not sure why i find it disturbing. but i do know the thought of some spending excessively on seemingly frivolous things while others struggle to put food on the table, to give their children an opportunity at education etc.. that is disturbing. perhaps there seems to be some kind of injustice in this. though exactly how, I would not be eloquent enough to articulate. This is not how it is supposed to be. In His Kingdom, everyone shares so there is no lack. Like in Acts.. surely at least everyone should have enough to eat and to cloth their family and have opportunity for education. and also not have to work so much that their family hardly see them at all..

One day, He will ask for an accounting for what we have done with what we have been given. and those given much.. are in danger of being speechless on that Day.. that is a sobering thought.

and maybe there will also be some.. who thought they didnt have much.. who will find they had more than they thought they did after all..

'... From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.' Luke 12: 48

was just thinking.. typical sg family mthly expenditure:

housing loan installment: $2000
car expenses: $1000
domestic helper (many pple seem to have one): $500
1 child Montessori kindergarten: $200
modest groceries for 3 plus helper plus utilities hp bill etc : $2000

how do sg pple do it..

sometimes its nice to stay at home and not have to go out and pay service charge or gst.

maybe i am stingy that way. haha

was thinking the other day.. if i attend a wedding dinner and give $120 for ang pao.. wow.. i can do a lot with $120.. i can give to a charity.. i can support one of many missionaries i know.. i can give to a missions project.. i can make someone's day ( like an uncle or auntie selling tissue paper etc..). just food for thought.. so many things we spend money here in sg without a second thought..

tried doing pilates supposed to be a 30 min things.
1st time : lasted 7 mins.
2nd time : 23 mins

:p  hopefully can keep it up..
on ano note. here is a pretty song..

"Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I’m not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along
With every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me

Cause you went away,
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you"

its nice to hv frens. esp the ones in Him.

signing signing bank loan things today. good that things are moving along. Hope its all done by the time the next installment is needed.. found out i can get my stamp fee refunded thru CPF! good to have more liquidity. oh boy.. i can potentially foresee a lot of planning and things ahead.. but not much to be done now i guess except make some general notes here and there.. next yr is still a question mark. kinda stressful. but still carrying on. and experiencing His grace.

not many meetings this month. in fact i think we have not met for a mth. Things sure are different in different places. or is it also cos of our age grp. not sure how new pple r assimilated.. still observing how things work in this new place.

Trust Me.

another reminder i am too old to stay up past midnight. woke up this morning feels like ive ran a marathon. (ive never ran a marathon.)

or maybe it means i need some regular exercise.. haiz.

in love with Him..

everyday try to find some time to be.. in love with Him.

like when i look at IAJ and we twinkle at each other.

Catch His eye and *twinkle*.

i guess just as marriage takes time and effort to nurture.. so do we and Him..

As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
Psalm 103 : 13-16

I read this verse today and it reminds me that we are but dust. and we should not make too much of ourselves or think too highly of ourselves.  With the pressures of the big city, it is easy to get caught up in the culture of pursuits to have big house, big car, look good in front of others etc. This is all vanity.  Dust in the wind.

I hope more of my life can be invested in things that matter to the Lord..

The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.
Psalm 103:6

I've been reading a friend's blog recently. And I find what she wrote v encouraging. The Lord has used her wonderfully and given her great compassion. O her blog is here http://blog.kitesong.sg/

She has great focus. As i contemplate my present life, i find i am not so focused. Distractions, hp, fb, tv, internet. everything with a screen has become a source of distraction and a drain in time and energy because of the way i use it. With focus, a magnifying glass can start a fire. I am inspired to regain my focus in Him.

Been back for about a year. Coming close to settling in a church? Hope so.. I guess i am trying hard to settle down. That's what i do, in my usual detached fashion. We bought a home, which is still being built. I think we gave finding a church, finding jobs, a good shot. Im glad Isc has found a passion/hobby/possible career choice in flying. Not many pple find something they thoroughly enjoy. I hope he can pursue it.

After swimming in a wide expanse, can a fish go back to living in a fish bowl? Sometimes i feel like that. I dont know what to focus on. Maybe i dont want to see/not ready yet? What if there is nothing to see? surely that is not possible right? a lot of dont know. Actually i sense there are things to do. Maybe I am not ready yet.

They are right. There is such a thing as re-entry. It takes time to move on. Even from good things. There has been so much change in the past few years for us. I wanted to believe that i was returning to something that has stayed the same. But everything has changed. Thank God for the precious few things that have remained or even gotten better. It has had its rough patches. But i am aware we are still v blessed and His hand is still upon us. I thank Him for the new things. In the past years, there has been much pain, loss, heartache. Also much thankfulness. n lessons. For a while mayb I just didnt want to feel anything. Is this part of re-entry? The country has changed so much too.. that doesnt help..

I'm not sure what it will take to be/stay focused. Sometimes i take the easy way out and numb myself with distractions. Sometimes i wonder if i shld just give up trying to settle down and devise plans to go elsewhere. But i wonder if that would be just me trying to distract/entertain myself with other things. If the motivation is not right, i dare not go. Remember Moses dared not go to the Promised Land without Him. Re-entry is kinda like jetlag, you feel out of sorts n out of sync.. 

We get so used to doing things out there. Doing, doing. Actually we are firstly His children. Children dont need to do anything to be His children and to enjoy Him, and for Him to enjoy us. Sometimes doing things may even be our false sense of security. But it is for naught. I find it difficult to not do things. to just be. I have changed too.

I miss the students. I wonder how they are doing. and because there is nothing much I can do, when I remember them, I commit them to Him.

Starfish. Sometimes there are so many needs in the world. Its hard to remember we are starfish.

I think it is important to fall in love a few times in your life. The most fortunate thing that happen to me is to fall in love with God. I am also thankful for the opportunity to fall in love with Isaac, missions. And to a lesser extent for shorter periods, things like rock climbing, rollerblading, JS, random periods of my life that taught me various lessons. I guess they also help me to know myself better, what I would give for, and to what extent. Sometimes I look back and think, I dont think I have that energy anymore, like do weekly visits to boon lay and travel to Boy's hostel to teach tuition in my year 3 uni. Or go to chinese church 3 times a week with a band of visually impaired youth. But I guess when He presents you with that challenge, and He gives you the passion to love something, sometimes you can surprise yourself and you dont even think much of it while you are doing it. Days become weeks become months and years and you look back and think, where did that energy come from.

I also think it is important to love unconditionally, not the emo/feelings type of love, but the kind that does what is needed day after day, without need for a return on your 'investment', not looking for 'fruits' or response. This kind of love is the most free-ing, most rewarding, and also the kind that leaves no regrets. Perhaps because it allows you to catch a glimpse of God.

In the end, God is most important in everything you do. 

they are not the enemy.. n judge not lest u be judged..
sigh.
no place to stay..  how..

Romans 12:21

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:

¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[d] says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”^[e]

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

something to keep in mind. treat it as an exercise? 

i dont know what x did but i am so xxx cos i can see it upset him. 

feel v dot dot dot now. grrr. 

  

need some time to consider n calm down.

To my friend: i wanted to tell you, dont be afraid. follow what He has put in your heart, unchanging, all these years. take a chance. find out. we can live with much less then we think we need.

new beginnings one year later.

i would hv thot that by a certain age no more new beginnings. but it seems pple can hv new beginnings anytime! even 40s aso can. 50s aso can.

nostalgia.

there is no 'clean' start.. everywhere. mixed up. old and new mixed tog. v messy. no one stays the same. Human drama. up and down and all around. cant keep track of it all. all fleshed out. Death. Life. Deception. Violence. Pain. Helplessness. Ignorance. Regret. Sacrifice. Forbearance. Love. Humility. Promise-keeping. Trust.

and of course.. Just Dont Know.

sometimes i dont dare to play certain music because it makes me think of u.

listening to worship music now.

its q nice to do that.

rather than watching tv or surfing the net.

quiet house with music.

melancholy? not sure.

shall go eat an orange and think abt it some more.

Exercise faith.

i think there is something so mesmerizing about watching a musician play his instrument.
i like this grp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR94NDIfGmA&feature=list_other&playnext=1&list=SP2FCE4EAED0A3000B

one time, two times(?), three times.
12. 26(?). 31.
1990. 2004(?). 2010.
what rubbish is this.
...........

ur gone but sometimes i still think of u.

n u know what

i still love u my fren

i guess i always will.

i guess changing cg is diff let alone changing ch. i miss having regular fwship n being settled in a ch.
who knows what the future will bring. sighs. maybe this is what its supposed to be. not so simple. by what terms do we judge a life well lived. by our job? by the works of our hands? by the things we accumulate? the descendants we leave behind? somehow i think it is non of these things. It's Your opinion that matters, and sometimes what You judge to be good we may not understand or be able to see..
and that is when we need to exercise trust..
and faith.
Sometimes so easy sometimes so difficult hor.
hehe.

T gave me a hug today as i was leaving after tuition. Aww...
H seems ok at math today! still a lot of careless mistakes tho..
confused now dont know if she v bad at math or actually not so bad?? but supposedly test score not so good.. think just need some confidence and practice.. dont know if have enough time anot.. prayerfully yes.. thats a consideration too when i think abt gng usa..

my 8 yr old tuition gal said she hadnt seen me for such a long time (3 weeks) and she had missed me.

aww..

I miss u. maybe because almost everybody here seems to be busy, and u always had time for me. Sometimes i think we might as well go usa.
time flies by and time moves slowly at the same time. 

Excerpt from marriage book im reading.

 

"The ultimate reason for their ongoing conflict was not his lack of affection or her lack of submission... So what was the cause? When one spouse was disappointed by the other, the response was anger and unkindness rather than love and self-control.."

The greatest love story in your life, is not going to be the one between you and your spouse, but the one between you and God.

phone spoil. sad sad :(

M left yest, WP left today, LZ leaving this sunday. :( everybody gone..

it felt like i had been flying a plane, looking for a place to land for the longest time. and i finally landed my plane. so im not the only odd duck..

today i was thinking, its not so easy to go back after being away and just pick up where u left off. square pegs in round holes. it seems like it should be easy, but its not. everything is still the same.. but everything's changed.

we had a really good talk. and it meant a lot to have someone understand so completely. i cant remember the last time i felt so understood..

time to go blading again :)

It's heartbreaking. There are no words.
The Lord be your strength.

'Take it slower, and realise what is important to you. '

it's better to go out and exercise than to spend the day surfing the net.

i like this song (ok my music taste is like my movie taste. v pop and easy on brain)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgAzK03CgJI

people cannot be replaced..

it was nice journaling at ECP today. :)

Dear Lord,
not enough days to love You.
You understand everything.
You are always there.
Thank You.

You know me completely.
You know me at my best and at my worst.
You know me when I love, in fact You probably put it there.
You know me when I have to leave it behind.
You know I'm not very good at dealing with it, I put it in a box and hide it somewhere.
And sometimes, in a quiet moment, I take it out and look through it with You.

once upon a time, you were there.
now i wont see you again till we are home.
i miss you.

went out with Wanping today and we had a good time. :)

playing the guitar + thinking about you = emo

end of year coming.. miss having you around to talk to.
its been raining non-stop these days. would prob have wrecked your car.

WP having camp.. waiting for her to finish then can talk to her too..

sigh.

met someone who reminds me of you.. it was strangely comforting. mixed.. didnt tell him cos i thot that would sound weird.. we had a really really really good time in China.. Praise God.

hello. sometimes i see a drummer and i remember you. sometimes i see someone tan who looks like you and i am reminded of you. i guess you are the first person i ever lost/said goodbye to who was close to my heart. but at least if all goes well, i will see you again in the end.. with our Father too. :)

gng to china in a week!

hello,
thought of you today, chatting with S, who is also your good friend.. Miss hanging out with you. I guess its been a year since you left to be with the Lord. It would have been fun working with you at the clinic like old times. The Lord has His ways. Who would have thought we would have gotten to hang out at S after all those years of hardly knowing each other in school. And get to have all our shared experiences later on. I am glad for all the times we had together. And also wish we could have had many more. I send my love to you. But I dont know if you can receive it.. Not sure what its like in Abraham's bosom. Are you sleeping? My knowledge not so good in that area..
byebye

hand pain after CPR.. but glad that it is done.. sigh.. painnn..

Romans 12

¹ Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Deut 8

¹⁰ When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. ¹¹ Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. ¹² Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, ¹³ and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, ¹⁴ then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ¹⁵ He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. ¹⁶ He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. ¹⁷ You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” ¹⁸ But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.

dear bro, listening to Jay Chou makes me think of u.. Wanping got married u know.. was a lovely wedding... they look v happy tog. the brothers costumes would have gotten a reaction out of u.. :) would u have hidden in the suite to watch tv till the dinner began too? not that Wanping would have allowed u to. hah. Election is coming.. wonder who u would be supported..

been journaling last few days before coming here. not sure why but it helps me. maybe helps me to quiet down and reflect. PTL even changed the way i interact with Dragon now.. he is a good kid..

back for hardly 2 days and now i have cough..... the weather changes are hard for me to adjust... sigh.

gng TCC later.. Easter today.. never seemed to celebrate it much before.. went on an Easter egg hunt before i came back.. on the pretext of helping a little boy :) but it was so fun to be able to assist him and see his face light up when we spotted an egg and when he opened the plastic ones to find candy inside. Esp cos his mom died a few years ago so it was nice to see him smile..

mayb its silly.. but i miss you brother.. maybe its cos there was news today of another brother who suddenly left due to an accident.. another good young brother gone to Him so soon..

been having so many meetings.. work is starting in earnest again.

listening to Jay Chou.. reminds me of the times we went Karaoke with Wanping.. She's getting married soon you know..

HM plays the guitar q ok.. she played for us the other day. I tried practicing plucking the other day.. I remember how your face used to light up when you held the guitar or played music whether it was on the keyboard or drums. I guess it was something you were genuinely passionate about. And for a moment you would not be thinking of how to suan me. ha. :)

sometimes i wish we could have had more time tog.. but i know His way is best.. i wonder what you would say to that.. but the last few months you seemed to struggle so much.. wanting to fight the illness.. being disappointed each time the test result was not optimistic.. and having to find more strength to continue the fight..

I hope your last few days were good ones.

tomorrow got full day activities!

been back a week.. i like sg.. hope can come back here..

Tomo gng out with Wanping! i really appreciate having friends.. certainly one of His more precious blessings.

more or less settled in, but still get tired easily..

got to throw away some clutter in the room! want to throw more out!!! therapeutic? :)

i like clean and spacious room.. no clutter..

still need 20 CDE points.. hope to get them in April maybe.. dont seem to have any suitable ones for the time being..

i'm not exactly sure why, but all the noises are very irritating..

how weird it is when people complain frequently how poor they are and then go out and spend hundreds on themselves. I hope I wont be like that ever..

some people are more trying to get along with than others.

going back to Kunming in 2 days, then after 4 days head to sg! Can't wait to see my friends and family!!

But before that, need to :(just to remind myself)
1) do performance evaluation with Yumei
2) see if I can promote her to take over my job
3) get picture stuff from Mbeth

yesterday snowed. could not leave house. but tried sledding and shoveling snow..

just confirmed my sg ticket for CNY. phew.. for a moment wondered if i had booked from bogus website..

kaobeikaobu sounds again from chufang.. oh well.

interesting culture.

here is one of the many random condom machines along the roads of Kunming!! Its as common as dustbins in sg!

sign near our rehab dept in Kunming (area look a bit messy, like geylang) Basically the sign says " you will be easily robbed here, please leave quickly!". I thot it is so funny, like the police have given up. hee

i thought of KL today again.. I miss you brother.. wish you were here.. i know you are better off there.. i just wish you were still here..

In USA now.. taking a break after months of running around.. i'm not sure i like this kind of schedule of super busy and then super free.. maybe i do better with just an average level of busyness and then some peaks and eases?.. but it is what it is.. still, PTL for everything..

These few days been thinking of KL, dunno why.. maybe cos been playing the drums in Band Hero game.. makes me think of him. wonder if i would have done anything differently if i had known he would leave when he did.. thank Him that we did get to spend time together when i last went.. at least i got to pick him up from the airport and buy him a newspaper.. i think he did know that i cared(?).. i miss you brother.. would be great to see you again one day.. you are one of the most special family i have met here. I'm glad for the good times and good moments we have had.

Look forward to visiting TCC.. i guess it has been so long since i have attended an english speaking place.. the possibilities are exciting and something to look forward to.. for now anyway.. we havent had a regular place for a long time.. would be nice to settle down somewhere..

the team should be in kunming by now.. wonder how they are doing.. hope the staff had a fabulous time and learned a lot.. :)

time passes slow and fast at the same time.

wa so exhausted and dont know why. came home and veged out on couch and just feel drained.

on thinking i saw 12 patients today when i usually see max of 8. sigh. so stressed. on one hand wan to help them so they can complete treatment but on other hand feel so stressed about time that i feel like a mean dentist. sigh :(

so how.. dont complete treatment and make staff work overtime but feel like i was kind dentist at the end of day? i dont have anything agst the patient, i actually care for them so i wan to finish treatment so they dont need to come back but when they keep doing things that distract or delay it gets on my nerves cos i am stressed that i cant finish for them.. so i snap a bit like ' stop doing that' etc.. sighhhhhhhhh

i think need to balance. being nice might not take as much time? but they really cooperate a lot better after i talk seriously to them.. and delay things less... haiz.. try the kinder way see how.. sighhhh

Our local colleague died suddenly in a road traffic accident yesterday when it was raining..

I feel very sad..

He was also Xiaofang's husband. And we know their 2 boys too.. He is a good brother.

I feel very sad for Xiaofang.

list of things i want for my house

1) L shape sofa
2) metal bar to do pull up on
3) light coloured tiles

wa school is starting soon.. will it be pandemonium with the 2 new staff??!! gosh.. stress.. but not too bad la.. ordered the chinese " developing the leader within you" today.. hope that it will be helpful to Yumei..

Chunyan is in Lijiang.. hope she enjoys her time there and that it will be productive..

the days fly by so fast.. thought of visiting SYL today but she no reply my sms.. wonder if she is in Dali or Kunming or just too busy.. mayb should call her next time..

wonder what the next step is.. sometimes with people coming in and out, and leaving.. i do feel a bit like no energy to get to know new people.. mayb after a while more..

but thank Him for CC and HM, they do seem like earnest girls.. and Yumei seems q committed to getting to know them, even making plans to visit HM's village during mooncake festival.. waa i dont have such commitment yet..

Wanping where are u? miss u! :)

Thought of Kunliang today on the bus out of nowhere.. I miss you brother..

gng for dinner w Isaac and Doris soon :) mayb eat at the 1st lao di fang today.. hmm san xian tang mayb..

today we had Dai food. ok la not bad. Dinner we went to the newly opened Hokkien food place. It is being attacked by the sg pple cos the food there not as oily. Boss there can speak Hokkien! whaha. His Chinese also sounds funny like my Chinese. WHahahha!

I ate there like 3 times this week liao. Isaac also. We went to look for the emperor crockery place today but it was closed!!! China is like that, the food places u like often close and move away. ........

Tomo took the day off liao. Isaac need to go office settle something so maybe i will work on finishing my toothbrushing video.

This week so busy. got 2 new staff! seem like nice girls. hope we can all get used to each other soon.

wed screened abt 70 patients and staff of the hospital. Nice to finally talk to the patients there. We are booked till sept liao. then Thurs went on crazy dentist mode to finish 17 orphan children's teeth, cos they only came for that one day as part of summer camp program. At first suppose to be 33 kids. Thank God in the end only 17 kids need dental work. peng san.

Wanping: come on msn leh

waiting for isaac to make dinner.. today making pasta.. tomo i can work from home, in the morning anyway.. going to work on the toothbrushing video.. wonder if i can get it all done..

lunch was nice today.. went to the emperor crockery place again and ordered their soy sauce chicken again! yumyum

tomo going to make kro poh

hope we can move in to the apartment by august..

gift

Isaac got me VPN for our anniversary gift. isnt that the cutest. now i can surf facebook and blog. :)
i am going to buy him chocolate and its ok i can write here and he wont know cos he doesnt read blogs. haha

KL

sometimes i remember you at unexpected times. like when i was playing the guitar that day, because you were one of my major teachers during our time at SAF. and the other day something happened at the clinic and i wanted to tell you, knowing you would suan me. and i know when i get back to sg i have 1 less person to sms.

i wonder if there was anything left i didnt say the last time i saw u in sg. the last thing i did for you was buy you a copy of the straits times before i left the hospital. but i think what it was was good enough. im glad you are in a better place, not having to suffer or struggle through treatments and illness. you are in His hands, a better place than any of us here.

i wonder if now when i play the guitar it will always carry the extra meaning because it reminds me of you. you have been one of my best friends in the last few years, suddenly. i miss you brother. and i remember you with love.

what a difference a day makes

what a year. 2 ends of the spectrum. good stuff v good.. bad stuff v bad..

cancer. bad stuff.

pple come to Him. good stuff.

fam issues. bad stuff.

more pple come to Him. good stuff.

sigh. what a world.

i love u brother. i dont know what to say. we go eat crab when i come bk.

How Great

How great the love of God.

that He would use His life to exchange for mine.

xie xie ni.

music

It's interesting.. i really enjoy instrumental worship songs now. Wallis sent me a few and i really like them.. it helps me destress after a long day.. sometimes long cold day.. :)

i like.

health cert

went for health check today.. they took 4 vials of blood! 6 stations. they gave L her wrong blood type prev.. so dont know how much u can trust them but it is a formality we have to go thru.. they measured me 166 cm w shoes! i thought i was 168! mayb i am only 164!! wah piang. Isaac said something abt pple getting older will shrink.. :p

now feeling v tired.. dunno if its the exertion of getting my blood taken or gng thru the system or that it was super cold today .. like 3 degrees loh.

Thank God, while we were at the health check place J got a call that the hospital signed the contract. that is super super awesome news. cant describe how awesome it is. we havent even signed our part yet!

And now i am feeling a bit stressed cos venturing out in unfamiliar waters. sigh. :|

Help me Lord. Help! Pray for Your grace to lead me through. Thank You for today, for the opportunity to talk to WLH.

long day

It's been a long time since i blogged. due to this land's habit of blocking websites.

We had a retirement party for I and M today. they are truly amazing and wonderful brother and sister. really beautiful lives. like the verse, the fragrance of Christ.

signed up for Idem this week. Isaac really encouraged me to. i was hesitating in my usual fashion. so i signed up for it and also bought my airtickets for april. transit in malaysia. not too bad i suppose. now i feel all tired from decision making.

this week started with 2 big meetings. a lot of decisions, a lot to think about. maybe that is why i am tired. sigh. gosh. it was this week we brought P to his new boss place. and also this week we visited FP in hospital. also had some new visitors. i suppose that is why i feel tired.

things move so fast ard here. i thought i would have time to write update, but w the new clinic thing i am tired spinning my thinking wheels around it. Just wait and see. and also trust in Him to direct things. so many things out of our control. who are we kidding, perhaps everything is out of our control..' my times are in Your hands. ' You are in control. Thank You for that.

feeling super tired.. another end to a long week.. actually not that long.. but jus so busy..

mayb cos speed doing dentures for the 2 leprosy patients.. and last week was speed clearing the cons and extractions for the other 3 so that they can go home earlier.. wa but q interesting.. i sawed thru 1 patient's full dentures that were 'anchored' by abt 3 teeth on each arch.. thankfully the teeth were v loose so i could extract the denture without too much trouble.. jialat mann.. e things they make at the road side.. he say it was painful and he was glad to be rid of it tho it mean he have no teeth for 6 weeks..

on top of that we went on day trips to village twice for past 2 weeks..
i feel a bit short tempered cos mayb tired.. which is not good i know.. like if things not done perfectly or if staff not automatic enough i feel a bit like scolding them.. but then again, i remember that they honestly dont know how to do so maybe they jus need a clear direction to pick things up.. or not.. dunno. like if the pain is at spot A why are u trimming it at spot B?? which is the other end of the denture?? scratch head.. don understand..

tired.. mayb after next week will be better

now is thinking how to train TR to do complete dentures for her leprosy village patient.. while minimising the number of times she see them.. hopefully, the 2 uncles can go home on Monday.. which means their dentures took less than 2 weeks to do! faster than the estimated 3 weeks.. i realise i do enjoy trying to problem solve and thinking of creative ways to do something using bare necessities.. been surfing the net for videos on doing complete dentures.. hopefully can sort of finish the training in 3 days.. :P.. also hope to train CY to be a denturist.. :P

really need Him to guide..

Whee!!

i'm not sure how but i can surf facebook and blog again!!!! downloaded something and clicked something and here i am!!!!!! im so excited i can feed my facebook pet again but the thing is down!!!! wa piang

anyway, i also wan to blog abt my first year wedding anniversary! so fast.. one yr already!!!!!!!!!

it was like a whole weekend spending time tog. On sat, we watched GI Joe, followed by Isaac's fav Indian food for lunch.. dinner we went to the Korean place where i ordered too much food again.. (eyes bigger than stomach, as he likes to say).. ok la jus left some Korean cold noodles uneaten..

den sunday which is the day itself we went service, dinner we wanted to go Red Star for thai food but it was closed, so we went teppanyaki. Yummy squid and garlic chicken! Monday we still high on good food and made chicken curry fr the packet mix we bought fr carrefour :) yummm

was great fun. :) ok typical sg blog always talking abt food.. mayb cos we been eating china type food for the past weeks so nice to have a change.

Clinic been q busy these days.. tomo gng village! last week also went.. all day trips so far.. but q fun cos we borrow 1 staff fr the other projects.. tomo we borrow TR fr leprosy rehab project to go w us :) real nice to hang out w XM and TR again (we used to be in the same grp in 2005)

this past week was like speed doing dentures for 5 of TR's patients fr leprosy village. V nice uncles and aunty.. v smily tho they have q some disability w limbs and eyes.. impaired eyesight and no fingers and prosthetic legs.. mayb in Sept will get to train her to do some of the denture steps! exciting!

nite!!