I met my love when I was 16. He had been waiting for me my whole life. He knew me before I even knew me. I met him briefly, but I really got to know him better at 17. He has never left me. He will be the greatest love of all loves. My greatest companion and my Hero. Thank You.

today at service, there was a call for a thanksgiving offering. and as i thought about it, i was thinking .. id like to give.. but should i decide who to give to? after all i know of a few v good NGOs or missionaries that would be v good 'causes' to support.. pple and org who i know are doing His will in steadfast faith that i could give to. maybe i should wait and contact them after service in the following days? Pastor had not said how the offering given would be handled..

The Lord spoke to me.. that this is not the spirit in which i should be giving.. trying to analyse who is a 'worthy' cause to give to in my human mind.. as tho the little financial offering means anything at all to the King who owns the cattle on a thousand hills..

He told me.. give to Me, and I will give to them.. (all the good pple and org that were running through my mind.)

I have no biblical basis on which to base this on.. but i believe there is a spiritual/heart currency that is produced when we give to Him in simple faith. And that is a currency that He can use. i find that when we give to the church and not to the Lord, it produces problems like dissensions and differences of opinion over expenditure. and i have seen many fall into that trap. Rather, give to Him, and find rest knowing that your small offering will go to exactly where He wants it to go.

thoughts on today's sermon Mark 14 ( the woman who broke open the alabaster jar of nard)
- what is your alabaster jar, would you give it to Him. time.. pride..
- she valued the Lord as worth more than the value of the alabaster jar, unlike the people.
- the people criticized her harshly . sometimes people may criticize/misunderstand you when you serve the Lord.
- maybe her actions challenged them and made them look bad , hence their reaction. Sometimes, our reactions can reveal what is in our hearts..

had tuition today. 2 hours of indices! n we are still not done!.. phew. i think she was tired too. mayb next time take a break after 1.5 hours.. SH is v bright. hope this year is a good year for her.

was reading some of my old posts, and found them encouraging.. feel that the person 8 yrs ago was more chipper then i feel now. but a lot of the verses i wrote back then still encouraged me when i read them. like this one..

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14: 14

Newness. was thinking today. i used to relate more emotionally, and then for a period in China i was in charge of stuff and wld be q task for periods. i think both extremes are not good. but if one shld err.. it wld be better to err on the gentle side..

Newness. need to find some newness in the way i look at things. and also to be under His covering. and look at things looking out from under His covering..

having yr end blues.. thought i would list down what we were doing this yr..

spent a few mths thinking we were gng to USA long term, and living like we were.. decided we were not gng to go usa long term.. and changing our mindset to staying.. changed church in the mid-yr mark.. went to USA for 2 mths.. explored multiple tuition options, met up a couple of them, still nothing yet.. bank loan got disbursed this year.. Wanx came to sg! CY got married! Isaac went to china for a week.. our new house is nearing completion.. somehow the thought of moving is kinda stressful.. more changes again.. got an NTUC card.. consolidated our billing system.. tweaked my schedule agn.. did x and y and z.

actually im still kinda undecided abt the new X. some elements are kinda disturbing. i just dont really get it yet. some things they do are kinda cool, but some ideas they have are kinda disturbing.

just thinking abt what we did this yr makes me tired.

CY getting married! :)
next yr suppose to move to our new home :)
we are adjusting to the new fellowship. Been good so far..
thinking abt our china friends today. i miss them..

This week had some news of CY, Xiao Peng , ZZF.. last week i hung out with WX for a bit. I do miss them. Was so glad to hear from them and relatively good news.
CY wrote me a nice letter about how she appreciated our help and care and prayers the past 3 years. She said she had learnt to care for others as well as reflect on her own actions. Im so glad she completed her studies, and has grown through the experiences. She does sound more mature and more developed in her thought processes.
ZZF wrote me a nice letter and YM sent me a photo of it. He is so sweet. He said his handwriting not nice, hope I can read it. I thought his handwriting was like mine. What made it extra precious is I know he is not academically inclined and probably took some time to write every word, which would be more challenging with his one good eye.. He said I will always be their big sister. And he mentioned being thankful to know about Him. How precious. It really warmed my heart.
CY mentioned Xiao Peng fellowships with her group regularly, and that he is well. Though she did not say much more, I am glad for this little bit of news. I do hope that I can see them again, hopefully along the way on a short trip some day soon..
Dear Lord, please bless them and keep them in You. May they know You are with them and be the strength of their hearts. Amen.

i just wanted to record that the speaker released the word joy, joyfulness on me. That was what came to her as she was praying for me.

The Lord's words are so precious. :)

flying on friday! and Isc is the pilot!

I watched 4 seasons of vampire diaries for the past week! :p

also, looking back, i do enjoy doing pilates.

a few thoughts came to me today.. He spoke to me about starting anew again. stop looking at the past, leave it behind. look forward and start anew. look around me at what i have, and decide what i want to put into this new life. have thankfulness, and new excitement.

well i guess i do want to have more exercise and deliberate healthy eating. also some community service. Thankful to hv Isc with me and all he is. Thankful for my friends who kept in touch. thankful for a place to stay and my job and its hours. hopefully we will settle down in church.

i also want to say only positive things. refrain from negativity. when i was in charge of a project, i was constantly evaluating and reevaluating the project and how to do it better etc.. unfortunately it made my reflex action to try to fix things and made me more critical. i dont want to be like that.. wat a stressful way to live. to keep turning things over in the mind and pick at it.. i pray for more thankfulness and being present, less detachment.

new beginnings. approach with a clean slate. hopefully will cut down on screen time.. sigh. too much screen time. makes me feel like a usb thing plugged into the computer..

reading this book http://www.gfa.org/resource/detail/living-light-eternity/

'We find no committee meetings in the book of Acts. We
find long hours of prayer, fasting and waiting on God to move.'

i like blogging because its more private than fb.

our 5th wedding anniversary yesterday and we went to tomato street for dinner. apparently it was the wood anniversary so Isc gave me a wooden bracelet. He also surprised me w flowers and the beautifully wrapped up gift.

enjoyed picking berries here! so far i hv picked strawberries, raspberries and blackberries. just picked blackberries yest, they were the easiest to pick! easy to spot when ripe, big, black and juicy. they fill up the bucket really fast. :) they are so pretty looking.

I like the sounds of sprinklers going off at night..
I also like the sight of sprinklers watering the fields.

Your purpose in life is to be with God. Just be with Him.

Just as you cannot have faith without deeds, as you are with Him, the serving will follow. But the focus is not on the serving, the focus is being with God.

something to remember on pms days.

Practice grace.
Only God can meet my needs. Give purpose to my life.

some random thoughts.

I still want to do missions. but dont envision longterm in the near future.. maybe in the further future?

contemplating doing something related to prisons..

went to Houston, visited the museum of natural science, saw a lot of dinosaurs for the first time. real dinosaur bones! how cool is that. also we went to NASA and touched a moonrock 3.2 billion years old! and we went to the Alamo! got to see my uncle and aunt's home, v lovely home they have. didnt know my uncle was so handy, he placed all the stone flooring in the backyard himself! we ate: vietnamese food, texan bbq, greek, chinese, malaysian food, tex-mex, and bison. V cosmopolitan place Houston is, even more than sg.

North Idaho is pretty in its way too. wide open spaces, rivers, lakes. chipmunks and hummingbirds frequent the outside of the house along with plenty of forests. the occasional deer crossing the road. i saw 2 wild bunnies in the backyard (which is actually acres and acres of forest). how cute is that. its calming to be near nature.

contemplating short-term trips. maybe our house will be ready next year.. that would be nice. should we get a second hand car? but then saving $1000+ a month by not having a car is v attractive. still remember gng to plaza sing and having no parking , exiting and having to pay for entering the carpark. not so fun that.

Wonder if it is do-able to take 3 mths off a yr.. that could also be work 3 mths take 1 mth off.. but the finishing up and starting agn may b too disruptive.. something to think abt. working on and on without a good long break to contemplate is not the way to go if we can manage something different. makes me feel numb and robotic.

hope to get tog with WX and hang out with her regularly in her 3 yrs here. also want to do some basic rock climbing regularly.. CY had a whole saga last mth that had me worried abt her.. but sounds like things are coming along with her dad changing his mind to accept her bf , with his burn injury and everything.. prayerfully commit her into Your hands.. Isaac flying on monday.. pray for his safety..

sometimes we forget to dream. because we have no time. because we are tired after the exertions of just keeping a basic life running. because it becomes an easy excuse.

but i wonder, are you truly alive, or just existing, if you forget to dream.

no matter what happens, in 60-70 yrs (?) it wont matter, cos we will be dead and either in heaven, or in hell.

and then we will look back and hopefully, we completed the mission He had for us..

i wonder how much more down time i need before i jump back in the river.

i read this book, 'Who moved my cheese?'. heard of it before but never thought to read it, till i was waiting for Isaac to be done in a bookstore.

this phrase struck me.

' what would you do if you weren't afraid? '

something to think about.

 

Trees

I THINK that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,	5
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.	10
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.	Joyce Kilmer. 1886–1918

Surrounded by trees now and they are beautiful.

Read somewhere that being with nature destresses people. It's true. 

I wonder if it is something to do with nature being the witness of God. 

'For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse,..' 

Romans 1:20

Missing pieces of the heart

Hung out with S recently. It was really nice just to sit and connect again. Some people are like missing pieces of ur heart, u dont realise it till u reconnect with one of them.. there is a time for everything.