Missing pieces of the heart

Hung out with S recently. It was really nice just to sit and connect again. Some people are like missing pieces of ur heart, u dont realise it till u reconnect with one of them.. there is a time for everything.

25 “There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. 26 People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. 27 At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. 28 When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”

34 “Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap. 35 For it will come on all those who live on the face of the whole earth. 36 Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man.”

Luke 21:25-28, 34-36

I've always liked the verses about the end of the world.. not because i'm morbid, but just the security in knowing what is going to happen, takes some of the fear away. And also the verses that describe Jesus coming in great power and what He will look like, brings His reality into our reality.

Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap.

I feel like there are alternate realities to this life i am living.. there is the one where i think about what He says and it seems that life should be different. And there is the one where we eat drink and make merry and nothing we say or do seems to really matter. just existing. The world goes on with or without us and we are just cogs in a wheel.

the problem is, no matter where i place in the rat race, i am just a rat in the end.. and everyday i am part of the world's game.. and its such a game.. perhaps it is a problem with vision..

well recently some words of wisdom(?) ; about how what we do everyday is part of His work and His kingdom, in restoring physical health and function, as that is what Your kingdom will look like. ok.. still thinking that one over.. it that a cop-out? at the moment i feel , no , there is some truth to it , but at the same time, i am looking for something more..

i guess, back there, it felt like it was clear what i was doing, and why, and it was a life where we take what He says seriously. here, its just mixed up, trying to live for Him and ourselves at the same time. Trying to be more 'normal', to fit in.. playing the role.. other pple do it.. why cant i just do it..

hitting the ground running, 'idleness'.. what do u do while you wait.. just wait some more.. because He has His timing.. because He knows the plan.

meanwhile, maybe i can work on equipping while waiting.. :)

i went for altar call. cant remember the last time i did that.
was it because i was sitting near the stage.. was it because the person next to me went..
altar call was something about receiving prophecy.. and what struck me about the message was about not trying to 'help' fulfill Your plans in the way Abraham thought he was trying to help when he had a son with his wife's maid..

i feel i have been looking around for something to do. and i still have not found it.
You also said going for altar call is an act of humility..

our plans change again for now. and it is kinda a relief. we can make plans again? it is a strange feeling.

looking for a place to join again.. beginning to wonder if that is ever possible. of cos it is. still.. i must confess i am not terribly hopeful.. and i do find it is q hard to engage.

like-minded friends are hard to find, pple who are just the same amount of weird as you. these are precious when you do find them. :)

twinkle check

i look and you and you look at me and we *twinkle*.

sometimes, i look at You and You look back and we *twinkle*.
but on days where my heart is cold and hard, it is harder and takes longer to find the *twinkle*.
and that is when i realise that all is not as it should be..

Listening to a song and the lyrics go "... i so need You.."

and You remind me of a time when You asked me".. did i ever think that You would need me too..?"

.. and at that time i said, " that's ridiculous of course.. how could You ever need me.. You are You and i am just.. me .. "

But i understood what You meant.. You don't need me.. but because of love.. You do..

Just in the same way You are missing all the others..

sometimes i feel like i am in cn again where my life takes it turns by being made empty and then being filled with things i may not naturally have chosen for myself.. but where things appear and are chosen for me, and i allow it, observing it as it happens .. it is interesting that it is happening again. i thought i left it behind in cn. it was great.. but it was also v hard in its own way.. i dont know.. maybe this is the way things should be..

this city has a lot of glitz and shiny objects. it is all so empty.. most pple toil to have a foothold so that they can provide for their loved ones so that they too can toil when they grow up.. do all cities swallow you and spit you out.. is that what happens..

2 Kings 17:15
New Living Translation (©2007)
They rejected his decrees and the covenant he had made with their ancestors, and they despised all his warnings. They worshiped worthless idols, so they became worthless themselves. They followed the example of the nations around them, disobeying the LORD's command not to imitate them.

still.. there are little pockets of humanity here and there struggling to breakthrough..

how does it all come together to make sense.. complete extravagance, living next to abject poverty..

what is the sg dream.. house, car, kids in good school? so that they can grow up to work 10 hours a day in a mind-numbing cycle? maybe i hv been away too long.. i cant keep up with this pace.. this frenetic pace that jogs on the spot. a lot of energy but doesnt seem to be going anywhere most of the time..

maybe i am just moody today.. :p

it is so nice to be able to sleep in my own bed tonight. sigh. past week the house has been so dusty with the toilet repair/renovation going on. feels like being a refugee in my own house.. sleeping in the guest bedroom etc.. today i contemplated.. if being in a dusty house for a week depressed me and made me uncomfortable.. what about the people living on the 'trash mountains'.. i cannot begin to contemplate it..

i asked LK if she wanted to go back to Cn to do social work if there was opportunity.. and she said yes unhesitatingly.. she said social work in sg is q good already, while the social work situation in China is a lot worse.. kind of like dental needs in sg vs dental needs in Cn where u cannot find reliable treatment for miles in some areas.. i never thought of it like that before..i wonder if it is the same across for many professions.. i guess it could be..

sometimes i find myself being judgmental and critical.. and it includes being critical, maybe overly even, of myself. recently i asked You, why is it like that.. and You said.. well, it is because of your own insecurities. you think by following the rules, there is safety.. so you like to see everything as black and white as possible and follow the rules. but it is not true. safety is not found there. safety is found in Me. be more forgiving of yourself when you make mistakes. and remember to forgive others too.

i have enough points for 2 more years! :) PTL

reminder to self:

It is better to do less with more love, then to do more with no or less love.

sometimes the lesson is not only in the content, but in the way it is imparted as well.

sometimes people just need a friend.

i shall come up with a list of things to do in usa
- exercise regularly
- read books
- read dental books
- pray
- learn malay/guitar
- learn driving
- look for volunteer work
- write to overseas friends
- monitor the house and market

who knew chopping veggies could be so fun. haha. esp doing it w friends. :)

i think there is a certain kind of timing and destiny when it comes to making friends. God's timing and destiny, that is. some pple come and go, some stay, even when it is no longer convenient. and when you do come across these precious ones, it is heartening.

read in a fb post recently;

"God opens millions of flowers without forcing the buds.. reminding us not to force anything, for things happen perfectly in time."

i guess this speaks also about us having rest while we wait for the flower to open in its own time. in all our hopes for others and ourselves.

i like watching tv with Isaac. it is always interesting to find out what makes him laugh. and many times it is some American pop cultural nuance that would escape me and he would have to explain it. haha. it is fun thing to do, to discover more about your partner.

Listening to Josh Groban "To where you are"
and here are all the parts I find applicable to a love song to the Saviour :)

'Deep in the stillness
I can hear You speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That You are mine
Forever love
And You are watching over me from up above'

'As my heart holds You
Just one beat away
I cherish all You gave me everyday
'Cause You are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave'

'A breath away's not far
To where You are

I know You're there
A breath away's not far
To where You are'

no matter what background we come from, whatever we think we have or do not have, God is the Great Equalizer.

Praise the Lord!

here is a pic of me and Isaac :)

went to Universal Studios yesterday. Free tickets! Thank You Lord. walked ard a lot and rained a bit so a bit of cold today. Love the Sesame Street! All the structures inspire a sense of make believe so that makes it fun. :)

i kinda like my little corner of the internet here :)
gng USS this sunday!!
waiting for Wanping to finish her busy time..  den can go out!! :)