wanping's bday

went wanping's house for dinner last fri.. wah, her 'sheep' are q adorable.. they also v gao xiao loh.. one of them is an amazing cook. he prepared the steamboat(2 types of soup, various dishes, there was even a mushroom container w 3 diff types inside!), baked the cake, made choc fondue.. amazing. v thoughtful.. and when we had finished, in a wink, all the dishes and things were all cleared up as a team effort.. impressed.. :). its good. glad she has so many who love her!

thankful You for the detail way You look after me.. for the bus driver who makes unofficial stop to let me off nearer my place yest and so many other times.. for speaking to me abt how the way i am w family relates to how i am w cell, and abt spending more time at home.. and just for Your being with me. talking to me, reminding me things, and teaching me. esp in these past weeks. prayer and praise. thank You, my Father. :)

Love

thot today.. sometimes a simple listening ear can accomplish so much more than a monologue of advice/judgement.

the difference.. Love. expressed in a desire to understand, where the other is coming from. and perhaps a dash of faith?.. to believe in the best of someone.

read in a card once. a friend is one who understands where you've come from.. accepts what you've become.. and gently invites you to grow..

rainy day

its a rainy day today.. listening to my new cd.. a line goes.. "Jesus, i'm in love with You.." simple songs with passion.

went out last nite w Wanping n her church frens! hahas! it was her bday and 15 of us surprised her at Marche.. hee. she was only expecting 3.. and certainly not me! haha. and i'd jus called her in the afternoon and chatted nonchalantly abt collecting my passport etc. hee. it was v funny.

went to sing karaoke w Ed, Angela and Lian Shin on tues.. hee, turns out Lian Shin knows lots of happening new chinese songs! (haha i only know e old ones and i don remember titles/singers) It was fun.

as a result of 2 late nites, i was v sleepy today.. Thankful for a manageable workload.. perhaps cos of the rain.. a young christian fren was asking me abt a bgr problem today. found my thoughts were q all over the shop.. think i didnt have a good reply for him.. dear Lord, please help him figure it out and grow in You.

P's divorce verdict coming out end of mth (regarding finance n child).. was sad for a while when he told us.. not abt the verdict.. was reminded of how the process of it mus b v hurtful to him.. was thinkin.. divorce mus b so many times worse than breakup.. its the realisation of all the plans made and finding there is nothing there at the end it. the separation of all that was once joyfully shared, house, child.. 2 lives that had become 1. sigh.

here's a verse i thought was beautiful today.. cant q explain why.. but it just is..
Psalm 96: 6
Splendor and majesty are before him;
strength and glory are in his sanctuary.

perhaps it reminds me how beautiful my Father is..

labour day

hooray! its a holiday! on a monday. so glad.. also cos slept at 330 las nite.. and woke at 745.. so a bit fried kinda feeling.. overestimated myself perhaps.. cos nite b4 also slept at 3 plus talking to WanPing!.. and was ok the next day.. jus was not sleepy.. mayb cos happy thinking abt holiday today!

went to watch interpreter las night, not bad.. interesting.. realised nicole is q pretty.

listening to my new planetshakers cd! "open up the gates"

thinkin.. sometimes, Father, things can get me feeling down/not sure of direction.. but in my own space, in Your presence, listening to worship songs, i can reconnect back to You and there's a joy that jus springs up again suddenly. its jus the joy of my Father, of being thankful that i know You. i know this world cant be just me and You.. tho sometimes i kinda wish it could be..? dat i could jus stay here and be in this moment with You.. and dat it would last forever.. have an inkling that heaven is a bit like this.. millions of times amplified.. perhaps i get distracted/affected easily. or perhaps its just when u care, u will feel something..

haha.. remember once i threw out this notion to J that without emotions, things would be simpler. can be messy stuff. but dear Lord, perhaps if i learnt to let You govern mine, consciously, i will see the difference.. interesting. never thot abt this before.. how exciting to see what will happen. =)

more SBSP!

i went to the website.. hahas.. am q amused! so here's more.. whaha!

Character Guide:

SpongeBob SquarePants - If you could describe SpongeBob with three words they would be naive, optimistic, and square. He never seems to know what is really going on. SpongeBob can never be bored because everything he does he uses his imagination. He works at the Krusty Krab, the home of the Krabby Patty, and is a fry-cook legend. His favorite thing to do (besides flip patties) is playing with his best friend, Patrick. He also lives in a pineapple!

Patrick Star - Patrick, the chubby pink starfish, is SpongeBob's best friend. They even joined the Best Friends Forever Club. Patrick always comes up with some crazy idea that SpongeBob performs. The failures may show that Patrick isn't the brightest creature in Bikini Bottom. In fact, he's far from it.

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs - Mr. Krabs is SpongeBob and Squidward's money hungry boss at the Krusty Krab. He really does love his customers and employees a lot (probably for their money), but he'll do anything to get a few dollars, or even a dime! His hobbies include counting money and saying "Argh!"

Gary The Snail - Gary is a snail, but meows like a cat, and he is SpongeBob's bright and faithful pet companion. He's always guiding SpongeBob and directing SB in the right path.

Mrs. Poppy Puff - Mrs. Puff is SpongeBob's Boating School teacher. She is constantly getting hurt by SpongeBob's bad driving.

Pearl Krabs - Mr. Krabs' whiny teenage daughter who just happens to be a whale. Mr. Krabs loves Pearl more than anything (except maybe money).

keke.. der was more but decided wld hv been too tedious. dian dao wei zhi. :)

movies and ice-cream

wonder if i'm growing old or something.. there's rarely a movie dat interests me these days.. wat happen to all the corny/lame movies.. hmm. really nothing much to watch these days. dont think its me. wanted to watch "spongebob squarepants" (even found someone to watch it w!!) but no more showing when i returned.. hmm..

mummy bought 3 tubs of haagen daas! choc, vanilla and strawberry cheesecake.! esp sweet of her cos i jus pseudo commented that there's no ice cream in the fridge 2 days ago.. haha. Ks, i hv more ice cream den u now! (he alwiz say HD v cheap in USA..)

haha, here's an example of things that amuse me! esp the live in pineapple under the sea, absorbent/yellow/porous bit! haha!!

Theme Song (of SBSP!):

Captain: Are ya ready kids?

Kids: Aye, aye, captain!

Captain: I can't hear you!

Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

Captain: Ohhh..... who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain: If nautical nonsense be something you wish,

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain: Then drop on the deck, and flop like a fish!

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain: Ready?

Everyone: SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain: SpongeBob... SquarePants!

keke.. yeah.. i like my corny movies.. or shld i say my movies corny..

song byte

here's a refrain dat still plays in my internal cd player fr time to time..

i'll walk with You in my heart..
i'll walk with You in my heart..
find me at the cross, down on my knees
thank You Lord for saving me..

yeah. :)

Praise You!

q glad today, heard A and his gf going for encounter. am glad.. keep them in prayer.

seems Yihui got baptised while i was overseas.. aiyah.. would hv like to been there.. oh well.. guess really cant hv everything sometimes..

Guojun started a http://www.simcell.blogspot.com/ for his cell! its really neat. :)

hee.

back fr retreat

jus got back.. it was so many things.

abt 80-90 pple at the retreat, from all over the world, swedish, americans, canadians, australians, new zealanders, german, koreans, african, singaporean.. jus seeing them there is touching.. so many non asians. and the only reason they are here, so many fr halfway ard the world.. is just Him. they came with their chlidren, most of the children less then 7 yrs. little angelic blond haired running all over.. there was this really cute korean little toddler who liked me a lot for some reason.. he was adorable.. took many pics of him.. hee

a typical family.. G and J, living in N, fr canada.. they've been here for 15 yrs, in different parts of China.. they have 5 children, J is expecting her sixth. G is working with a specific minority pple trying to teach them how to farm(this tribe used to be hunters, then ran out of animals).. he's an engineer by training, but was brought up on a farm.. they r so earnest and sincere.. and have such clear eyes. if eyes are the windows of the soul.. then you cant miss the love in theirs. love for Him, pple and each other. as they speak, you can also sense that life is hard, but they are jus trusting in Him.. i heard they live in the village, with the villagers.. in a v mountainous part..

there's an American korean family.. learning chinese.. the father is a doctor.. and they've been in Kunming for 2 yrs.. with 2 tiny children..

so many very humble people of all sorts of professions.. serving and finding their way as they serve, as projects are quite dependant on the govt's approval, and the govt can change their minds and the rules of the game, and you just dont know when.. some dont really know what they are going to do yet, jus learning the language and trusting that He will open a place for them to serve at the right time..

R, the new in charge.. kept reiterating this verse Deuteronomy 33:27 (New International Version) The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. the first session he taught us and the last session.. something like a theme.

it spoke to me, and i felt it was His way of assuring me, with something familiar.. KS will know.. this is a special verse to me.

was q stressed in the middle cos it seemed i had 2-3 places i could go and all seemed suitable or all not suitable.. could not sleep that night and smsed a couple of friends. i felt better after that.. and was glad of their encouragement. Thankful for them and God.

the next day i talked to 2 pple. and the possibilities seemed better. i could go 2 places. still praying that Your will be done. please make it clear to me.. and keep the process in Your peace..

thankful for my singaporean roommate, who is abt to embark to nujiang for 2 yrs. she's ard my age too. it was a v blessed time. thankful for all the pple i met and jus for the experience to worship tog and our sharing sessions in our groups.. kinda looked forward to home too the last couple of days. perhaps it was all the travelling.. and a lot of info.. yah.. now. jus glad to be home and glad about the past few days.. its amazing. God is awesome.

19.4.05

leaving for airport in 30 mins.. dad dropping me off..

dont really know wat to expect..

dont like aeroplane food.. perhaps due to the 7 flights fr last trip..

will join LY and family tomo.

shall i wander ard Kunming tonite on my own.?

dear Father, i pray i take this trip with You.

kangaroos, fishes, foxes..

a familiar song

here's a song Xianhua taught me when we were in JC.. jus suddenly thot of it recently.. hv always felt it was v meaningful..

there are things, that i have
and hold dear to my heart
they are borrowed,
they're not mine at all..

Jesus only put them
to brighten my life
so remind me, remind me dear Lord..

roll back the curtain
of memory now and then,
show me where You've brought me from,
and where i could have been..

Remember i'm human
and humans forget
so remind me,
remind me dear Lord..

yah..

been thinkin abt tame little red foxes too..

LY suggest i go see an apartment in Kunming.. former owner singaporean.. 3 bedroom(wat am i gng to do w 3 bedrooms..) 5th floor, no lift.. keke.. oh well..

retreat

ohh. due to reasons, my friend has removed pics fr the net. oh well =)

well.. gng china on tues to join the retreat.. don quite know wat to expect.. LY mention uno, scrabble.. cant be jus like dat rite.. shrug.. 'Risk' would be fun though.. :)

well jus keep on praying.. wan to appreciate Xianhua, who stayed at my house overnight on sat during the G12 conf.. really helped me that night in processing the conf by talking it over with her.. yeah.. Thank You Father..

felt q tired today suddenly.. like muscle aching.. perhaps still recuperating fr the past couple of weeks.. but.. thinking about my Father makes me glad..

The Father loves you as much as He loves Jesus..

John 17:23 (NIV)
Jesus prayed..' I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me..'

The Father loves you as much as He loves Jesus..

these are some of the most precious words i heard at the conference recently.. it really changed the way i looked at things.. Be a son.. not just a servant.

Matthew 3:16-17
As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."

and this was before Jesus had began His ministry..

Our Lord worked from a position of acceptance ('My Son'), affirmation ('I love him') and approval ('with him I am well-pleased').. He did not work for it, He worked from it.. we do not have to work for God's acceptance, love, or approval.. we work from it.. our Father loves us because we are, and because He is. how wonderful to remember this..

G12

back fr trip. was great.. but will not post my report here. .

went straight into G12 conference. for past 3 days. its so happening.. the messages were really meaningful, and i learnt a lot. an overwhelmingly strong Spirit of faith and inspiration from the speakers, men who seek after God's heart.. and each altar call we would run down to to receive God's anointing, and .. its amazing loh.. really taste and see that the Lord is good. quite hard to describe in human words what we received in our hearts. it's just.. God.

the most meaningful altar call for me was one where Ps Cesar released the rhema word after we had already reached the ground. he spoke the word from revelations, I know your deeds... but I hold this against you.. you have lost your first love.. ask the Lord show you what made you lose your first love.. it jus really spoke to me.. i jus asked Him over and over.. what made me lose my first love.. His word to me.. i have lost confidence along the way. i have lost confidence in Him.

came back and was jus thinking abt it.. and how.. knew there was something there.. You asked me "what made you lose confidence in Me..?"

i had been distracted by the things ive been blessed with, the ministry, the people, wonderful people though they are, and i loved them with all my heart, really.. struggling with my feelings of inadequacy of leadership.. disappointments.. with myself.. with others..

i was also afraid of feeling the burden of God for the lost.. i remember, at one pt in my JC life, i wld enter a bus and feel burdened for the lost i cld see sitting on the bus.. and would quietly pray for them on my commute.. feelings of wanting to reach out, but yet not know quite how to do it.. its a heaviness of heart.

but Lord... was thinking of how i received the burden for the lost in the first place.. why i thought abt missions since i was 16.. and i realised, its because of how You changed my life when i met You.. how i had felt so alone, so lost, out of place, fearful and with no reason to hope for the future.. and when i met You, You changed everything. You taught me You accepted me, loved me and affirmed me because You just do.. because You are my Father.. amazing.. and Your love healed me in such wonderful ways. and made me grow to see and love myself and love others the way You do. and i felt so deeply that others do not need to suffer needlessly the way i once did when You want to restore them to their rightful place with You. Home. Loved. Accepted. and gently invited to grow out of that position of love and acceptance.

and over the last 4-5 years, i forgot how terrible it once was to be lost. i became so comfortable.. and to live a subsidised Christian life. i'm sorry Lord.. restore to me my first love. if it means to receive Your heart of burden again, then give it to me. i do want Your dream to come true. Your Heart's cry to be so in me that i can always find the place in my heart to cry with You. i give thanks to You Lord, for You are good, Your love endures forever.

i think somewhere along the way.. i decided to be close enough to God to know His blessings.. even do a bit of ministry to tell myself im alright.. but away enough not to hear or know His heart's cry.. but not to know Your heart, Lord.. is really not to know You.. and i dont want that anymore. thank You that You give generously to Your children. and You desire to give good things to us. Thank You Father. :)

finished packing

Dear Lord, i pray i will love You more after the trip. and that i will understand better how to walk with You. and that i may know You.. In Jesus Name. Amen.

i feel better

i feel better since my last post.. thanks all my dear friends for encouraging me.. your concern helps.. God gave me a word yesterday too. 2 words.. and as i meditate on these 2 words i feel my mind gets better.. the 2 words are..

exercise faith.

was reflecting that this trip seems to be one of the most spiritual attack so far.. that means there is something special about it.. maybe its the 3 new believers Prof wants to bless. or its the last trip before i possibly go Kunming in july.. or the team is special.. but watever it is.. am grateful to God for the opportunities we have had to pray about the trip together (on thurs at Dr Cheong's).. like Elaine said.. Lord, thank You for making things come together.. we see how You provide for funds for the D3s, the GIC products sponsored by Dr Pia.. our meetings.. the D3s in their exams.. their prep in making the models, prep gifts, borrowing instruments, coming up with song sheets, prep for easter celebrations in their own churches in the midst of all this.. Lord in You all things hold together..

Lord, i pray that i will know You better..

...

i felt v stressed out these few days.. almost as tho im going to burn out.. but tt's when im not distracted by stuff.. then when im alone, the stressed out feeling comes again.. feels like.. everything inside is dried up and evaporated.. and my mind is racing ahead with its own momentum.. and i struggle to keep a sense of reality and God.. feels like i want to cry but i cant seem to cry it out..

everybody please pray..

maybe its partly cos going for mission trip in 6 days.. some sort of spiritual attack? many things not confirmed.. tickets that we will buy there.. prof going taiwan on Thurs.. but.. its going to be an grand adventure with You, Lord. ;)

maybe cos i left Soph's cell 2 weeks ago and i miss them..

maybe cos suddenly feels like i've been driving myself hard the past mths and it finally caught up w me.. tho i did enjoy the activities/people/friends.. and didnt feel tired then..

suddenly jus feel.. stressed out.. at yet at other times.. its ok.. a bit dizzy at times these couple of days too.. feels so.. : .. but somehow i cling on and know You are God and will carry me through.. tho i may not understand why i feel like this now.. Sing ai says perhaps when i rest more, the unprocessed feelings will surface, then i can deal with it.. i think she's rite.. Thank You God for her.. and Wanping!

xie xie Ni..

hmmph

okies.. was feeling kinda stressed, then jus heard dis cheesy love song which im gng to play for a friend's wedding.. now am kinda amused..

gng to china for 10 days, leaving on 28th mar.. hope Prof's sis is alrite.. she suddenly had mild stroke and discovered had advanced cancer.. she's in Taiwan.. pray in Jesus' Name for healing to be upon her.. Prof mus b stress cos we're leaving soon and his sis seemed in serious condition. yet he's supposed to lead the group.. Your wisdom and strength be upon him.

hv decided my first priority these days before i leave are the SM2 students.. dunno how but Lord.. i pray You will use me to bless and love them, and encourage them as they get used to life here.. pray You will touch their lives..

perhaps ano reason feel kinda stressed is cos feel i only hv 4 more mths b4 i leave for China.. and i do hope my 4 beloved friends can be stable in You and Your family b4 i go.. perhaps i am anxious.. Lord, i give You my anxious thoughts.. talked to You jus now and You said its because i care a lot .. and i realised i do.. and i know if they are in You, they will be safe, and loved and protected, and truely blessed. brings to mind what Ps T said.. 'God may seem slow but He's never late.' and i know You are not slow.. and even tho i do care a lot.. i know You care even more.. and You love them amazingly much, as You love me.. so i commit them to You and trust..

want to thank You for amazing time at sungei buloh yest w SM2 students.. 5 of us. and thank You for lovely day today, and the sharing w my friend.. Please let Your love, peace and comfort be on him, and pray that You will make this work for good.. and that You will guard his heart, thoughts and he will look to You and grow strong in his relationship with You.. Lord Jesus, please help him, to open his heart and life to You.. and to hunger for You.

Renew my mind, Lord, that i may understand in my heart and mind, the power and importance of praying. help!

Thank You Lord, for loving me. for being my Father. for being my Shepherd. for being patient with me. Thank You Lord for saving me.

Baygon

saw a cockroach in the doorway of the bathroom while bathing yest. it jus blatently stood in the middle of the entrance! at least not facing me lah.. and looked kinda stone, full grown, but not the alert feelers always moving kind. ahh!! needless to say, was distracted n kept glancing at it! quickly bathed, even brushed teeth.

at first prayed that it would jus die without me having to do anything. then prayed it would disappear quietly from where-ever it came from (then thought maybe not too good cos den i wouldn know where it went!) it crept out of the door while i was brushing teeth. thought flashed across my brain(will i be trapped in the bathroom thinking there is a cockroach outside?) (quite similar to life hor, sometimes we are trapped in a place cos we are afraid, but the "cockroach" outside may not be even there anymore. how satan can hold us captive with lies sometimes.)

also thought, next time go china if alone got cockroach how.. ahh! so opened door gingerly and it was still there! only thing i hv is a rather small bathroom slipper!! dunno whose foot so small!!

decided to throw the slipper. prayed it wouldn move.. then threw. and slipper whacked it on the head and it turned upside down still q motionless. phew.. quick run out of bathroom.. throw the body away? err.. maybe next time..(pls hope no next time).. dad did it in the end when he came back.. shiver.. ok.. glad it turned out ok.. Thank God. :)

Power

1 Cor 1: 18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

this verse gave me new understanding.. cos was thinking abt the tabernacle, n how amazing that a few objects, a room.. can invite the presence of God so powerfully.. of cos, diff pple came away with diff experiences. then was thinking.. like the verse says: to a cynic, it may all seem foolishness from his scientific/proud mind. but to those who believe in God, it is the power of God that enters to transform into our lives. and the cynic has missed it. i dont want to miss it.. power or powerlessness.. what a world of difference it has made to me..

same goes to unpleasant comments i sometimes hear pple saying about God.. you know, those who think it's so cool to pass ignorant remarks about Him.. wat foolish things r said sometimes.. then we think we r so clever.. sigh.. im sorry.. forgive us. Thank You for Your mercy, and love that endures.

here's a sobering verse read out at a cell meeting 7 yrs ago..

Rev 3:17-19 "You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent.

it was as though scales fell from our eyes when the verse was read, and our hearts were convicted. His Presence came into the room. praise God for His Word.. it was amazing. which is why i still remember it..

sanc week and tabernacle

sanctification week jus finished.. its amazing.. went 3 nites out of 4.. topics were rebuilding the altar of God, of family, of worship, and of destiny.. each night there was jus an amazing presence of God, jus good to be there in His Presence.

went tabernacle yest.. b4 dat Ps H shared w us the structure of it and the meaning.. jus find it so amazing that You really really took so much pains to try to reach out to man and to reveal Jesus even in the old testament (the picture of the cross within the cross (the tabernacle within the layout of surrounding of encamping tribes, so that the picture of the cross is seen as the 12 tribes advance..).. im sorry that we are so....

even at the first station (the brazen altar, (salvation)) there was an amazing presence and a conviction of sin.. jus a feeling of... oh dear.. im such a sinful person, i could never repay my debt.. thank You for saving me, Lord.. and at the Brazen laver.. (sanctification). i was touched by the words (Jesus is the Living Water, who cleanses us, and we are cleansed by baptism, and by the Word of God). i sensed the love of God.. and was touched by the altar of incense station too (bowl of prayers).. thank You Lord.. for bringing me thru and being with me and by my side.. thank You Lord..

Rom 8: 37-39 'in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'

Thank You for saving me and loving me.